


It's All About Subterfuge

by DarkVictory



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Closeted Harry, Fluff, M/M, Nothing but the fluff, closeted draco, note passing, pure fluff, snarkiness and boy-watching, trampled daisies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 07:15:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7499061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkVictory/pseuds/DarkVictory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Draco are each closeted and desperate for someone to talk about boys with.  An uneasy alliance forms.  Could it be more?</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's All About Subterfuge

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on livejournal on January 21, 2003. YEAH. LIVEJOURNAL. 2003. Thought all of my Harry Potter fics were lost forever but recently tried logging into lj on a whim and it was all still there.

 

Eight times in eight minutes.

Harry glanced over his copy of 'Hogwarts: A History' and let his eyes wander over Cho's face, spending no more time on one feature than on any other. He looked back at his book and began counting off the seconds in his head again. He did not watch the movement of Seamus' robes as he walked by Harry's table.

3\. 2. 1. His next glance at Cho was interrupted by a piece of parchment floating past his eyes to land on the table in front of him. He postponed the glance to read it.

_nice smokescreen, Potter._

Harry's head snapped to the left, where Malfoy was already sitting back at his table. He wasn't looking at Harry but he was smirking at his Potions textbook.

Harry watched him cast a calculated glance at Pansy Parkinson, then turn his eyes back to his book.

He could see Malfoy's lips moving as he counted under his breath.

**********

Harry stumbled into the wall as Malfoy elbowed him aside in the hallway.

"Better catch up to Cho, Potter," Malfoy said dryly as he brushed by. "Or people might get the wrong idea."

Harry rubbed the tingly spot where his funny bone hit the wall, but couldn't even be bothered to glare after Malfoy. He shuffled off to Divination, trying to think of a good retort for later but could come up with nothing that wouldn't reveal himself.

**********

Potions class and Harry was paired with Malfoy because that was the sort of thing Snape did.

He had ignored Malfoy's taunts, concentrating instead on chopping this and measuring that and not looking at boys because Malfoy didn't need any more ammunition than he already had. Next to him, Malfoy sighed.

"Come on, Potter. This is no fun. Can't think of any good comebacks?" Harry took the time to roll his eyes at that. "Well, if you're not going to spar with me, let's talk about something else, then." He tipped his head toward Harry and said in a low voice "Finnigan is all right, but Blaise has a much nicer arse, trust me." Harry looked incredulously at Malfoy, who nodded very seriously. "Communal showers are a godsend."

"What are you doing?" Harry hissed. "I'm not your friend!"

Malfoy gave him a scathing look. "Of course not. Last time I checked, hell hadn't frozen over."

"Then why are you telling me about Zabini's arse?" Harry whispered, eyes darting around.

"I need _someone_ to talk about boys with," Malfoy said indignantly. "And I don't have to be friends with you to do that.

"I still hate you," he said simply. "But I'm going crazy here. You think I can boy-watch with Crabbe and Goyle? And I'd wager you have the same problem." He looked pointedly at Ron and then back at Harry's panicked face. "Don't be daft, Potter, I'm not going to tell anyone. And you're not either."

Harry narrowed his eyes. "Are you threatening me?"

"Sort of. So are we on?" Harry hesitated. "I'm not proposing, Potter. Hell, I'm not even going to stop making your life miserable. But we can talk about boys sometimes. So give me an answer before Snape comes over to taunt you again."

Harry sighed and thought about how much he hated Malfoy. Then he thought about loneliness. Then he thought about Blaise Zabini.

He turned to Malfoy. "How nice of an arse are we talking about?"

**********

And so it started and Harry was surprised at how much fun it was and how little else had changed.

"Thomas looks good today," Malfoy muttered while passing Harry in the hallway.

An hour later, Crabbe tripped Harry in the Great Hall, obviously under Malfoy's orders if his snickering was any hint.

A piece of parchment appeared mysteriously in Harry's pocket right before Potions class.

_Good gods, Potter, I think you and I are the only queers at this school. There is no action to be had. Except for Justin Finch-Fletchley, of course, and even I'm not that desperate. Like I'd be caught dead with a Hufflepuff._  
PS--this note will self-destruct in 30 seconds.  
PPS--oh, all right, 10 seconds. you'd better drop it now, Potter, if you don't want your fingers burned. 

Harry obeyed the note and dropped it just as it was engulfed in flames. He blinked at Malfoy, surprised at the warning, before Snape noticed the fire and gave Harry detention and took ten points from Gryffindor, of course.

Malfoy looked very self-satisfied.

**********

"We better not get caught," Harry grumbled, pulling the Invisibility Cloak more securely over his head.

"We won't get caught. I never get caught," Malfoy said airily.

"Bully for you."

"Oh, come off it, Potter, as if you haven't broken the rules loads of times."

"Yes, but I've never broken the rules to gossip about boys with my bloody arch rival."

"I prefer arch nemesis," Malfoy said absently. "Now, down to business. Point me out someone cute, Potter, and quickly. I damn near found _Longbottom_ attractive the other day."

Harry sighed and surveyed the crowded courtyard from their position on the grass. They were near enough to the Whomping Willow that no one would trip over them but far enough to stay out of harm.

"Well?" Malfoy prompted.

"I'm looking. It's such a pity we have to wear these robes, no matter the weather."

"I know, they do nothing for the figure."

"I miss Wood," Harry sighed, propping his chin on his hands. Malfoy snickered. Harry threw him a glare. "No, you idiot, not _that_ wood. I mean Oliver Wood. Former Quidditch captain, remember? God, I used to look forward to those post-game showers."

Malfoy's eyes lit up and Harry could practically see the wheels turning.

**********

Harry stormed out of the boys locker room, wiping water off of his glasses.

"It was a good idea in theory," Malfoy remarked, wringing out his robes. "Who knew invisibility cloaks aren't waterproof?"

**********

Malfoy threw a handful of grass at Harry. "Come on, Potter, you're no fun today."

Harry spit out a blade of grass and tightened the Invisibility Cloak around the two of them. "I can't even believe I'm out here again after what happened last time."

"Oh pshaw. I told you we wouldn't try the shower rooms again. Now, what's your problem? Finnigan took his robes off for a minute to shake the grass out and you didn't even blink! I'm beginning to think your heart's not in this."

"Maybe my heart would be in this if you didn't keep kicking me," Harry said through clenched teeth. "And I know you're doing it on purpose!"

"Oops, caught me," Malfoy said dryly. "I told you I wasn't going to be your friend. I just thought we could capitalize on a mutual interest, but it's like pulling teeth with you, Potter. I thought this would make you happy." Harry looked at Malfoy incredulously. Malfoy rolled his eyes. "Fine, I guess we're done here then." He climbed out from under the Invisibility Cloak and stalked across the courtyard as the other students wondered how he had appeared out of nowhere. Harry did _not_ watch the movement of Malfoy's robes.

**********

Malfoy hadn't spoken to Harry in five days. He hadn't even bothered to insult Harry personally, but rather sent Crabbe and Goyle to do it even though they couldn't come up with anything better than "Scarhead" and usually resorted to merely pushing Harry over.

Harry was surprised to feel Malfoy's absence so deeply. Ron and Hermione were still doing their "I kinda like you, do you maybe sort of like me?" sort of dance, and sometimes the craven straightness of it all drove Harry mad. It _had_ been nice talking about boys with Malfoy, even though he always insulted Harry's taste and insisted that Slytherins were predisposed to hotness.

Finally, in Potions, Harry tore off a piece of parchment and wrote the closest he would come to an apology.

_Save me. I just caught myself picturing Snape naked. Point out someone cute, for all that is good and holy......oh, all right, bad and unholy  
PS--I don't know how to make this note self-destruct so you'd better destroy it yourself or I'll tell everyone that you like to wear women's underwear._

Harry got some more wormwood out of the cupboard and nonchalantly dropped the note onto Malfoy's book on his way back. Except it wasn't so nonchalant because Malfoy had watched the entire procedure with one eyebrow raised.

Back in his seat, Harry wiped his sweaty palms on his robes and watched Malfoy read the note with a blank expression. He didn't even look at Harry. Harry ignored that stupid sinking-heart feeling and went back to preparing his stupid Intelligence Potion and stopped himself from thinking about stupid Malfoy until Crabbe dropped a note onto Harry's table with a puzzled expression. He kicked Harry in the shins for good measure before walking away.

_okay, Slytherins don't even joke about Snape naked. I'm serious. And don't project your perversions onto me, Potter, I know you've got a thing for wearing brassieres._  
PS--Colin Creevey's new haircut has turned him into SEX ON LEGS, have you noticed?  
PPS--remind me to teach you that self-destruct spell. Goyle didn't seem too pleased when I told him to swallow the note. 

**********

"One time, I was so desperate I actually found myself smelling Goyle's hair. And it doesn't even smell good." Malfoy shuddered at the memory and kicked Harry idly.

"Good one. Okay, lesse...oh! I actually thought Cho was good-looking for a minute."

"Ouch."

"Yeah. Only for a second. Then I started wishing she had more masculine features." Harry grinned.

"That's pretty low, Potter, finding _girls_ attractive."

"Yeah, well...I think finding Snape attractive was the worst," Harry said, tangling his feet with Malfoy's to ward off the kicks.

"Yeah, but you just made that one up to win me back," Malfoy smirked.

"I did not!"

"Oh, so you'd rather admit to fantasizing about Snape than to being lost without me?"

"Subject change," Harry grumbled, giving Malfoy's leg an extra hard jab with his toe.

Malfoy rolled his eyes. "Of course."

"Umm....hottest boy in school?"

"You, of course."

Harry looked at Malfoy in surprise to find Malfoy watching him carefully, a challenging glint in his eyes and a teasing smile on his lips. Harry looked away. "Subject change again."

"Jeez, Potter, you're impossible!" Malfoy laughed. "One bit of flirtation and you run from it like a boy chased."

"I didn't run!"

"Metaphorically speaking, Potter."

"Well, why are you flirting anyways?! You don't even like me!"

"True," Malfoy mused. "It's a mystery."

Harry scowled. "Try solving it."

"Well, you're good-looking enough, and tolerable enough to be around when you're not talking. And as we've already established, this school is the definition of slim pickings."

"Don't be so bloody logical."

"I don't do hearts and flowers, Potter. Logic is as romantic as I get."

"I didn't say anything about romance!" Harry sputtered.

"You're a big ol' softie, aren't you?"

"No!"

"Oh, I think you're probably a big romantic fool."

"I am not!"

"Do I have to buy you dinner first, Potter?"

"I hate you."

"The feeling's mutual. But do you think I'm cute enough to mess around with?" Malfoy raised an eyebrow. "Think about it." He crawled out from under the Invisibility Cloak but not before slapping Harry's backside.

**********

For the next week, Malfoy kept pointedly glancing at Harry, occasionally making suggestive gestures, at which Harry would blush and look away, then curse himself for doing so.

Then, a note.

_if it bothers you so much, Potter, let's pretend I never suggested it. I never would have if I'd known you were going to be such a girl about it. Kiss and make up?_

Harry glared at Malfoy's smirking face across the Great Hall. Malfoy had actually had the nerve to send this note by owl at breakfast. The owl was waiting for a response.

_I am not a girl. I thought that was the point._

Malfoy laughed upon reading the note and raised his goblet of pumpkin juice to Harry in a salute before scribbling a reply.

_It is the point. If you were a girl, I wouldn't be talking to you at all. Does this mean you're reconsidering my offer?_

Harry rolled his eyes before ripping off another piece of parchment.

_I didn't say that._

Malfoy smirked like it was the exact response he'd expected.

_I'll take that as a yes._

Harry crumpled this last note with a scowl and left the Great Hall. Malfoy caught up to him in the corridor.

"See, Potter? You're running away like a girl."

Harry turned to face Malfoy. "Stop saying that."

"What am I supposed to say when you act like a girl? I don't _like_ girls, Potter. They make everything so complicated and difficult and it's all about _feelings_ and they spend too much time on their hair and they smell funny and don't even get me started on the icky body parts--"

"Malfoy!" Harry interrupted. "Jesus," he muttered.

"Who?"

"Get to the point, Malfoy."

"The point is, I propositioned you because I thought we could handle this like adults." Harry snorted. "All right, I thought we could handle it like two horny sixteen year old boys. We snog, we mess around, we have a good time, and that's all it is. Now you, you've gone and mucked it all up by being girly."

"I don't think being shocked senseless by a proposition from my sworn enemy constitutes being girly."

"It does because you keep thinking of me as your sworn enemy and not as a devilishly attractive boy you'd like to get off with, which is how you _should_ be thinking."

"I don't want to get off with you!"

"Sure, you do."

Harry narrowed his eyes. "You repulse me."

"No, I don't. You said so yourself. You said you were shocked senseless, not repulsed."

Harry blushed. "So?"

"So I'm tired of doing this dance, Potter. I hate dancing. So make up your bloody mind. I'm not offering you friendship, I'm not offering you romance--"

"Well, maybe I decided I want romance," Harry said defiantly, crossing his arms.

Malfoy let out an exasperated sigh. "I don't care about what you _want_ , Potter." Harry couldn't stop the hurt look that passed across his face. "Oh, see, look, you're being a girl again."

"Fuck. Off."

"I love it when you sweet-talk me."

Harry screamed in frustration and stormed off towards Gryffindor Tower.

**********

Harry stood firm. He would not acquiesce this time. As days passed, it turned out he didn't have to. There were no more notes. Malfoy ignored Harry, but still had Crabbe and Goyle kick Harry once in a while for good measure. Harry assumed it was all over and was disappointed to find that his life was a lot more boring without Malfoy and he kindasortmaybealmost missed him.

Another Charms class and as Professor Flitwick was occupied with bringing Neville down from the ceiling, everyone was chatting amongst themselves. Harry listened with one ear as Seamus recounted his date with Parvati before the sound of his name interrupted him from _not_ watching Malfoy.

"Sorry, what?" Harry turned to pay more attention to his friends.

Seamus shook his head. "I _said_ , why don't you go on more dates, Harry? The girls would line up for you if you'd let them."

"Not interested in being a Casanova," Harry replied shortly.

"So you're perfectly happy not getting any action?" Seamus said doubtfully.

"Some of us _are_ actually here to learn, Seamus," said Hermione, obviously uncomfortable with the conversation.

"Oh, go snog Ron already," Seamus tossed at her. "Action, Harry? Do you get any?" The entire class seemed to be waiting for an answer.

"None of your business," Harry said hotly.

"I knew it," Seamus smirked. "Pure as snow. The Boy Who Gets No Tail."

"Stop it, Seamus," Ron said tiredly after an elbow in the ribs from Hermione.

Seamus ignored him. "What's your problem, Harry? Don't any of the girls here turn your crank?"

Seamus' comment was dangerously close to asking Harry, point blank, if he even fancies girls at all and Harry was subsequently panic-stricken and at a loss for words. He didn't need to answer, however, as Seamus' parchment abruptly caught fire and everyone was preoccupied with putting it out.

Harry turned around in time to see Malfoy putting his wand back in his pocket.

**********

Harry was the last one off the Quidditch field after practice, having done some extra laps around the pitch. After putting his Firebolt away, he rounded the broomshed and came face to face with Malfoy, who merely stared at Harry with an unreadable expression.

"Thanks," Harry said awkwardly. "For the...the thing in Charms yesterday. Although you could have picked a less dangerous way to cause a diversion." Harry mentally slapped himself for not being able to make an apology without a reprimand.

Malfoy's eyes narrowed. "You're lucky I didn't set fire to his robes, because I thought about it, trust me."

"I know," Harry said hastily. "I know, I didn't mean that. I just meant thanks." Malfoy didn't say anything more. "Did you come here specifically to be thanked?" Harry asked suspiciously.

"No! No, no, I didn't."

"Then...what?"

Malfoy hesitated before holding his hand out with a scowl. He was holding a bedraggled daisy.

"Is that for me?" Harry asked cautiously. Malfoy didn't answer, just thrust the daisy at Harry, forcing him to take it. Two of its remaining petals fell to the ground. "It looks like it's been trampled."

"Probably because it's been trampled."

"Why?"

Malfoy tapped a foot nervously as he seemed to fight an inner battle about what to say next. Finally he blurted, "Because I spent twenty minutes trying to decide whether or not to give it to you, thinking about how utterly stupid this is and how much I hate the fact that I'm even doing this and I took out my frustrations on the flower."

Harry blinked. "Oh."

"I knew you'd hate it," Malfoy said crossly. "I can get you another one but I can't promise it won't get trampled, too."

"No, that's all right. I like this one. It suits you perfectly." Harry grinned.

Malfoy scowled. "Yeah, well, there's my bit of romance, take it or leave it. And don't expect any more!"

"I won't, I won't."

"I'm not changing who I am for you, Potter. I _like_ who I am. And if you can't accept that, then sod off!"

"Malfoy! I know how hard this must be for you," Harry said dryly. "But calm down. This is a very nice gesture and I appreciate it. And I don't expect you to change. I'm not going to change the way I am, either. Which is why I expect we'll fight more than anything. I'll be surprised if we last a week." Malfoy looked rather insulted at that. "But what matters is that I'd like to try," Harry said hopefully.

Malfoy nodded. "Okay. Good. We can do this, right? Just a bit of messing around." Harry raised an eyebrow. "All right, a _relationship_ , we'll call it whatever you want and I'll try to find other redeeming qualities in you besides 'extremely shaggable'. I'll even stop picking on you in front of everyone." Harry's jaw dropped. "I'll get Crabbe and Goyle to do it instead."

Harry sighed. "Best as I can expect, I suppose."

"It's the best you're going to get, quite frankly."

"Fine."

Malfoy's eyes lit up. "Now we get to the good part." He stepped forward and immediately planted his lips on Harry's. He took Harry's gasp as an invitation to add his tongue to the mix and Harry let him, hesitantly wrapping his arms around Malfoy's waist and feeling Malfoy do the same. He sighed as Malfoy pulled away, then squeaked as clever fingers pinched his arse.

"Oh, don't tell me you weren't expecting that."

**********


End file.
